Moments in time 

FYI I cried writing this post. A lot. I just wanted to give you ample warning in case that’s not what you’re up for today.   

Last week you know I visited the pain clinic and I am so much more hopeful than I’ve been…well, since I realized I wasn’t getting better. I remember the moment I knew. There are certain moments in life that are so profoundly life changing. Moments where you know, life is forever changed. This led me to thinking . . . . the moment Ben was hit by a car. Life. Changing. I’ve told you I would tell you this story for a year and a half. I think I’m ready. I don’t want a bunch of sadness though. If you need to leave a comment maybe just type I understand, or Oh My! Or maybe we should all just let it out and have a good cry. I’ve been crying the entire time I’ve been writing this if that makes you feel better, lol!

We all walked to the race together. We were going on a family fun run, obviously I don’t run anymore, I brought our neighbor’s children as well because it was at the airport. We were going to see all the planes. Everyone was in a fantastic mood. Ben ran ahead of us but stopped at the post before the lights. As per the rules. We caught up to him and he was so bouncy and full of joy. He stopped and waited for us, as we got closer he was in runners stance, ready to leap. I wasn’t concerned. He was waiting, I also had it in my head that the road was closed to traffic. So he’s just hanging and the rest of us catch up. He turns, still in runners pose, giggling and happy. He looks back at me, smiles and then he jumps. I see a shadow, I leap and scream, ‘No!’ Scream it! It turns out the light changed and the walk sign popped up. He jumped because it said walk. She was looking 90 degrees the other direction, at the race commotion. The light changed but she didn’t see it. There is no delay between the light changing and the walk light coming on there. Light goes red, green light and walk sign go on. She was driving an SUV and she hit him. That’s my moment.

It was strangely quiet. Husband says that for him it was the opposite, so insanely loud. For 5 hours I thought my son was dying/dead/dying and it was quiet. Isn’t that funny?! It’s all this chaos swirling around and for me it was silent. I can see people running, I called 911, there was a lot of screaming. I think it was me. I can see people running. I can see the fire trucks, the ambulance takes sooo long. I can see all of it. I heard a friend ask me what I need. I said husband. I see the woman who hit him just once, she said, ‘Is he okay?’ I’m in quiet slow motion, she asked me, ‘Is he okay?’  I remember looking at her, she has brown curly hair, and I said ‘No, no he’s not okay.’ She never speaks to us again. Not a word. Not an I’m sorry, not a how are you, how is he, I’m sorry I crushed your world. I wasn’t mean. Part of me wishes I was.  I assume she moved on with her life. But I wonder, did you fix the dent in the fender? Where you hit my son? That time you ran the yellow light, that time you were looking the other direction? I know this because I watched. Frozen in time, I see it. I’ve been to therapy and the most important thing is this is not the end of  his story, it does not end here. And then I breath and try to stop crying. Let’s all practice that now.

 Style Me Pretty – 2 Casual Glam

Hello my beautiful people,

How has your week been? Mine has been rather long. I actually thought it was Friday today, imagine my disappointment to find out it’s Thursday!! I was a bit extra disappointed seeing as Friday is my birthday. You think I’d have been able to get that one right, eh?

I was hoping to catch up on the Style Me Pretty posts earlier in the week but sometimes three children get in the way. The sick one is still so sick. If he’s not better tomorrow I think he might need to go back into the Doctor.  Fingers crossed that fever hits the road tonight!

Okay, let’s talk style and shopping today. Hurray!!! I’ve been working at Banana Republic for a couple of weeks now. I’ve had two fabulous Sunday shifts which I affectionately refer to as ‘Meet Me In The Square’. Both have been successful, it makes me so happy. My goal isn’t just to put pretty clothes on your body. I hope you’re seeing now that my goal is to help you realize just how fabulous you are. Both weekends I’ve gone overtime on my shifts, I just cannot leave the store (sorry boss).  I’ll admit ‘Meet Me In the Square’ is new and almost completely unadvertised so I don’t think people quite know what they’re getting into. As far as I’m concerned if you come to the store on Sunday you came because you wanted help. I hope I don’t come off as a full of myself fashion gal, because I’m not. Inside I’m still that shy awkward teenager who is just fumbling around. The difference is I’m much older, I know a little bit what my style ‘isnt’ and I have the time to research. This job isn’t about selling clothes, it’s about finding you. I have spent hours trying on these clothes, talking to Katie… the other Katie, our in-house BR style guru. As part of my official enrollment, I think I tried on practically everything in the store. I will promise I will try not to recommend you products that I don’t have faith in. I tell every person “Gita, I would not let you leave without looking amazing! This I promise you.” Only I insert your name here. Those are stories for another post.

Let’s talk this week’s look. This week I really wanted to be able to find something super comfortable, insanely versatile, and not crazy expensive. Lastly, it needs to coordinate with our first outfit Style Me Pretty-1,  because even better than 2 separate outfits, are two outfits that coordinate into 4 outfits.

 

Style Me Pretty 2

 

The idea here is that you can mix and match. Easily. No effort required. Every piece from last week’s outfit can swap into this week’s. How versatile is that?! Feel like wearing a skirt? Do it! Heels? Fabulous! Converse? With that outfit last week, that tule skirt! Tuck this week’s striped shirt in, blouse it a tiny bit, add a pop of red lips and aren’t you freakin adorable! Dress these outfits up with jewelry and makeup, add a blazer, cardigan and kabam you look incredible! Dress it down, add a sneaker, a t-shirt, a bicycle? You’re set for a casual day around town. I feel life is too short to worry about how we look. Dress the body you have, not the body you want. Wear what makes you feel good. Not just on the first day you buy it but after you wash it, after you forget what coordinates, let’s just make wardrobe easy! And then we’ll take life from there.

These rules are not rules. Go through your closet. Find what you have that you like. Don’t like a skinny leg? Have I taught you nothing?? Don’t wear it! Wide leg, straight leg, this is where our individuality comes through. We all have slightly different taste.

Alright so if you have any questions you want us to address send them over and we’ll put out BR fashion expert, the other Katie, on it.

Next week lets talk mom (or Dad) weekend wear. Imagine! You park the minivan, you’re 3 minutes late, as always. The kids run ahead, you grab that hockey bag and pull it by its ergonomically correct rollers. Someone super sexy magically appears and holds the door. You walk in, feeling like a hot bag of sweat. The other “on-time parents” turn. They stare at you… but this time, you smile, you wave, because you know you look amazing. They wave back, you all drink coffee and chat and laugh. The end. No drama! You look good!!! Easy peasy. We got this! Honestly, we got this.

withlove Kate

The Monday Mail

Oh my, my, what a weekend we’ve had. Where do we even start?

You may have seen on Facebook and Instagram that we had a little panic last night. Jack was so sick. Burning up, dizzy, sad sad sad. It’s classic that I was solo parenting. Husband had gone to the States for a football game and his first-ever tailgate party. Isn’t that just the way it works? We talked about it at work all the time, one spouse leaves and you just hope you’ve had some rest because something is bound to happen. Jack had a fairly severe headache off and on all last week. Last night it came to a peak with a crazy fever I just could not get down. I debated going to emergency and even had an emergency sitter but he was so tired, he begged me to just let him sleep. He’s a bit big for me to carry so I let him sleep as long as he could and by then husband was home. We took him into emerg this morning and he has a ‘raging case of strep.’ My poor babe. I’m not sure this addresses the headaches he’s been having but we did ask and were told that whatever is in his system is overpowering anything else that might be happening. I think that’s fair.  I booked him an appointment to get his eyes re-checked in the hopes it’s that simple. For now, he’s sleeping on and off. I feel so bad for him, he’s both snoring and whimpering in his sleep. I hope tomorrow and modern medicine will bring him a little more joy.

Me and The Pain Clinic: I have a new pain clinic. I haven’t let myself get hopeful about this but this is one of the big reasons I wanted to move. I need more help than I was getting. Now that I’ve been I’ll be a little more honest. The three most common questions about my health are:

Are you in PAIN? Yes

Are you in pain all the time? Yes

Does anything ever make it go away? No

Okay, so I think we’re done here!  Just kidding!  I try really hard to separate my pain from my day. Just because I had a bad pain day doesn’t mean I had a bad day. I do my best to adapt as many things as I can and skip as many things as I can. I pretty much try to only do things that bring me joy now. It has taken a lot of pain management therapy to get to that point. I’m lucky I found a good Pain Psychologist who helped me. I went through a few before I found the right fit. Those are actually amazingly weird stories that we should share! I’m still weirded out by one specific psychologist I saw. He wore brown scrub-type clothes and looked like a prison inmate. Why? I don’t know because he was self-employed, working out of his basement, thus upping his epic uber creepy factor.  He kept saying, ‘But you hate your kids, but you hate your kids.’ I’m kind of glad we moved to get further away from him too. I’m still a little creeped out. Why would I hate my kids? I did not go back there.

But back to today. Yes I’m in pain, all the time. I take hydromorphine like pez. Well, that might be an exaggeration, it doesn’t actually come in a pez form. It only comes in childproof containers that my old lady hands often can’t open, good thing I have children to open them for me, lol! I hide my pain because I don’t want you to feel sad for me. I’m sure by now you suspected as much anyways. I don’t want you to feel sad because then I feel sad, and then everyone cries. We can talk about it today because today, I have a little hope, for the first time in a long time. I spent at least two hours with my new doctor and there is a plan. An actual plan! Not a, ‘Sorry, we’ve done everything we can.’ No rolling eyes. No suck it up buttercup, off you go!  There’s a combination of medication changes, nerve blocks, injections, and still, we’ll stick with a pain therapist. I’m nervous to find a new one but everyone needs a person they can unload with. With chronic pain I think it should not be your spouse. Husband does enough things for me, he knows how badly I feel, he lives with me! It’s hard to see someone you love in pain. (See above paragraph, for example). I’m not making any excuses for him for when I’m cranky with him but he deserves full credit for above and beyond the call of husbanding. He does wash my hair for me on a regular basis, he lets me sleep through dinner at least once a week and he doesn’t judge me.

I feel that Toronto has so much to offer our family. I am hopeful and I will keep you posted on the small human as well as myself. My first injections are next Thursday. Maybe we can take a video!!! Hahah I’m sure he’d love that. No pressure!

This is so completely not the post I intended for you today! It was much more upbeat. On that note, it’s been rainy all day and I am ready to cozy up with last night’s Outlander and a hot cup of tea and a glass of wine. Here’s sweet Henry to perk you up from this depressing post. You can’t help but smile seeing a dog in a raincoat.

 

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Rainy Days! He looks grumpy but it’s only because I keep taking his picture and won’t take him outside already!

 

 

 

 

 

Things about Kate

  1. Lately, I’m obsessed with the pores on my face. I can’t stop looking at them, poking them, thinking about them. I went to the beauty school and had a facial. Turns out I still don’t like facials. I just feel like I can squeeze my own pores!
  2. I got stuck in my spanks. I was all steamy, just out of the shower, trying to put them on and they got stuck mid-thigh. They’re those ones that are shorts, to keep your thighs from chaffing together, extra fancy right?! So the bum got all twisted inside itself and the thigh bits got stuck halfway up, so my knees are bound together and I couldn’t get them up or down. All I could think of was Ross and the leather pants incident.

 

3. Speaking of spanks. I am obsessed with my weight. Two of the medications I take for nerve pain, Lyrica and Cymbalta, have side effects of weight gain. If I eat, if I don’t, I just keep gaining. After my surgery I lost so much weight, I looked amazing!! Sigh…. The downside was it was a terrible, terrible time, I was so sick. I never told you how bad it was. Let’s leave it in the past and just say that it is not a preferred method of weight loss. Over the past two years doctors have added a lot of drugs to my  ‘cocktail’ and although my skin hurts a little less, I’ve gained about 40 pounds.  Worth it? I don’t know. It always seems worth it for a little while, but as I get used to the new medication we have to add more. I actually haven’t done the latest increase because I’m just too vain. I can’t take the weight gain anymore. It hurts my bones, it hurts my feelings. I think this is where ‘Style me Pretty’ comes from. I want people to see their true beauty. I promise you, you are so beautiful! I know you can’t always see it, but I can. Maybe you just need someone to help you find your beauty. We all struggle, but I’m not losing this battle. I don’t know why I can’t see it in me but I’m going to dress the body I have right now. I’m going to regroup and come up with a new plan with my doctors. That scale is NOT GOING UP ANYMORE!!! (She shouted and pointed at the inanimate scale.)

4. I have an appointment with a new Pain Clinic on the 23rd. I hope they can offer me anything. Anything. Any. Thing. I’m having a hard time. I’d like to say lately but I can’t remember a time I wasn’t. Let’s cross our fingers!

Okay, so I totally meant to write about things coming up, like future plans buuut I got sidetracked at the spanks. Then Jack and got lost in YouTube land and watched youtube videos of Friends until there was one with clips talking about sex and I smacked that computer closed. Ohh well, next time, lol.

Don’t forget to subscribe to the blog, new features should start popping up soon!

Have a beautiful day,

with love Kate

The Morning Mail

Hi, how was everyone’s weekend? My apologies on the slacking on sticking consistently to Monday/Thursday posts. I know I’ve been a bit tardy on the Monday posts. Honestly, I’m just a touch behind it seems every Monday. Know that behind the scenes, I’ve been working hard on where the site is going. Here are some things I’ve been looking at:

I’ve been discussing what the end result should look like. For example (wink wink) if I were to hire a programmer what would the website look like if I could have anything in the whole world? There are a lot of choices out there, oh my heavens. It’s exciting, but also a lot of work. Stay tuned and see whats coming our way!!

I love the idea of structured updates. Maybe we could have ‘the morning mail’, a cute little box on the website just to say hi and whats up. Think of it as a status update on the site. Whats new? etc. And/or a Monday morning catch-up video? A little evening chat on Instagram? So many possibilities, but let’s STRUCTURE them, so you know where and when to find them.

I’d really like to get into having guest posters. You get to see a lot of my life. We’ve lived in a city home, a century home, cottage home, now tiny home. But….. I’m STILL CURIOUS ABOUT MORE! SO I wondered if maybe you would like to follow along with some of my favorite people. The plan is still coming together of how we will make all this work and keep it in ‘style’ with what we’ve already got going on here? Video? A series? The possibilities are so exciting.

And another thing. VIDEO!!! VIDEO, VIDEO, VIDEO!! We’ve been talking about it forever, buuuut guess who’s learning video editing?!  I’m so excited for this. I made a tiny 13-second film last week. I was so proud, I added music, I changed viewing speeds. I’m just a baby at it but think of the first time you did something awesome. Like…fly a plane. It’s exciting, right?! You can watch my amazing video HERE.

Style Me Pretty: I think I love this series. The idea is complete outfits, that you can point, click shop. Dress the body you have, not the body you want. You don’t have to commit to this body, you can change it anytime you want. But shouldn’t you feel amazing no matter your size? I think so! I’d also like to help create outfits that work within what you own. Maybe you already own everything and just needed a little bump of encouragement on how to put it together. This weekend I was so lucky to dress a woman at BR, she gained 40 pounds last year. I was like “Lady, I got this!’ Later a woman shopped my body. She did the finger point and swirl and said “that, I want that, wrap it up”. The girl I was working with said you know you’ve hit the mark when someone shops your body. Hurray!!! Best thing is, I assembled it myself! I think I’m learning. How do you guys feel about ‘Style Me Pretty‘.

Those are just a couple things coming our way. Now, what about my life? ….whats the skinny on that? Let’s talk KATIE, on the blog next!

P.S. It will probably involve a story in which I get stuck in my spanks.

with love Kate

 

Little Glass House

When moving to a tiny house we knew this was going to be an adjustment. If you’ve been following along our journey you’ve watched over the last 6 months as we sold off or donated what felt like most of our things. It’s hard to believe just 6 months ago we lived in a three-story century home thousands of miles away. It’s sometimes still a dream that we live in this tiny condo in the city. That being said, I do love it so.  Before we moved we came across a gentleman who had just done a huge downsize. His advice, ‘You will still have too much stuff!’ Lol. Well, I lived in fear of those words and post move I feel like we are actually doing okay.

One night at the cottage I sat down and mapped this out. 

Jack chastised me to no end for using a curse word! (Try to find it, lol)

So is it working?  Yes, yes, yes! We repurposed a few items but it actually worked out really well. The biggest lesson I’ve learned so far is that I need to think about things in a different way, I need to think about EVERYTHING in a different way. Things I ask myself are:

1. Is it useful?

2. Do I need one in every room?

3. How many do I need?

4. Does it bring me joy?

Tiny house living has changed my use of space completely. For example, the long white Ikea sectional we had was not going to fit as it was.


We eliminated a corner section and it’s a perfect fit. The extra single section went into the boys’ room where it has been an excellent use of space. We use it daily for bedtime stories and a quiet space for a child to put on headphones and have a little ‘alone time.’ In the morning I love to drink tea while watching the city come to life, it has such a fabulous view. So the moral of the story; while this reading space is in the boys’ room, it’s a universal space we all enjoy. The same principle applies to my Bedroom.

The same principle applies to my bedroom. Honestly, it is layers upon layers of white, white bedding, white walls, floor to ceiling view of the city, everything about this room peaceful and dreamy. This room is not just my bedroom, it’s also our peaceful space. Anyone who needs a little time out is welcome to use it.

 

Cocker spaniel dog wearing Hudson's Bay Sweater, with hood, his head resting on a womans hand. 2 large art prints  in the background, one with heart one flowers, both in white frames.

 

It’s a bedroom, an office, a therapist room. IT is NOT A JUNGLE GYM!!! (I may have said quite loudly.)

Soooo, there you have it my loves. A little peek inside the glass house. Coming up I will have a home tour series. This is where we’ll explore all the nooks and crannies and little secrets, like what are in those closets?! What do you keep in those drawers? Is it all beautiful, neat and organized, so you’re going to have to hate me? Or just a big hot mess?

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Where is all our winter gear? YOU have a sled? WTF? Where??? How come you don’t own dressers???? Annnd everything else you’d like to know about living in a beautiful, tiny, glass house. Have a fabulous day!

with love Kate

Holiday Weekend

This weekend was our first time spending Thanksgiving with grandparents. We played games and painted pumpkins. There was plenty of wine and the weather was beautiful! We were missing the other ‘kids’ (brother and sisters), so we may celebrate American Thanksgiving next month to make up for it. I do have to say, all in all, it was completely lovely and worth the move.

We had fireworks and sparklers.

Sparkler love, time lapse photos of people playing with sparklers, the word LOVE is spelled out with sparkler glow

Sparkler Love

Flatlay large orange pumpkin with small pink pumpkin with gold dots and gold stem. Cocker spaniel is sniffing one of the pumpkins cutely.

Henry photobombed our pink and gold pumpkin shots, lol!

Two little girls aged 5 and 3 holding lit sparklers, both smiling huge smiles, faces glowing from the sparklers

Pure Joy

I can’t remember if I showed the photos yet but last weekend I attended Blogpodium and we all received amazing takeaway bags. One of the items was Krylon spray paint. At first, I thought hmmm, I live in a condo what shall I do with this. BUT then I thought WHAT WON’T I DO WITH THIS?!!! Spray paint is pretty much always a good time! Then, because we were at Grandma’s, I thought, what a wonderful time to break out the spray paint, HAHAHA! Sorry about the garage floor, Grandpa.

We picked some sweet little pumpkins and some went pink, some went black and some went everything!

 

 

7 small pumpkins lined up on a stone wall. Each pumpkin is a different colour, gold, pink with gold Sita, black, blue, multicolour.

Who said pumpkins have to be traditional?!

 

The only low point of the weekend was Husband used the dryer and ‘adjusted’ the size of a couple of my new clothes. This:

Banana Republic outfit. Black cardigan with 4 buttons on the cuff.

Beautiful Banana Republic Cardigan


Black woman wearing long sleeve black wrap dress, reitmans

Reitman’s Wrap dress

 

And this:
I felt rather cross and may have shouted rather a lot. I since have authorization ‘to buy as many clothes as I want forever and ever and can never be judged!’ OR so I shouted through the bathroom door. And then I felt better.

 

How was everyone else’s weekend? Did anyone have any fabulous family feuds they’d like to share? lol

 

 

Henry and I are happy to be home. We are enjoying a restful day after our big adventure and have no plans grander than a trip to the market for flowers.

Have a beautiful week my lovelies.

 

With Love Kate

 

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